- gratuitous bow for fake applause -
- sings along to Lady Gaga's "Applause" -
- sings along to Lady Gaga's "Applause" -
This week I talk about love and bubbles, and burp at the end. Classy.
As for making my blog post deadline... well. My computer does this thing where it goes back and forth between being connected and disconnected to our WiFi - I described it once as being a Complicated relationship, and it's complicated often so my computer must be an Aquarius. This was one of those occasions so I couldn't log onto my Blogger to write and publish a Thursday post.
That's an excuse, the excuse, and I apologize but to be honest I wouldn't call it a complete loss. For the past few days I didn't know what I wanted to write about and I worried that it would read too lackluster because I would have to induce word-vomit in order to meet a deadline - and word-vomit, like any vomit, is messy. Real messy. I don't foresee my video quality suffering because of the Tuesday deadline, but I feel it's fair to be a little bit more lenient about my blog deadline. In the end it's quality, not quantity.
Anyway, I have been thinking quite a bit on the topic of Destiny and Choice and the implications of those on myself as a Hero. When I say "hero" I don't mean the muscly and manly genre akin to Hercules or Solid Snake - for I have neither the physicality nor the persona to be muscly or manly - but rather, the archetypal protagonist in a classic story. Joseph Campbell's Monomyth Cycle is a pattern that all stories tend to follow, a journey in steps that all heroes travel, and in the vein of destiny and choice there is the Temptress, luring the hero away towards a fate off the straight-and-narrow with her feminine wiles.
As the hero in my story, I found myself tempted from my path - mine and many other people's temptress is money. If Luck be a Lady tonight, then Fortune be a Lady of the Night, every night.
The decision to start a YouTube channel and focus on writing my book was made and was being carried out well before my birthday. But in a sudden turn of events, my Temptress came knocking on my door a week before I was to film my first video with an offer - a career opportunity for myself and my parents, in the world of business. Had the offer come to me a year ago, hell if I'm honest even just a couple of months before, I would have jumped on the train immediately without a second thought because quite simply, I needed the money and something to do. But after years of fear and indecision I finally made a choice for myself, and I'd be damned if I didn't go through with it.
It was difficult to turn down the offer; I'd be lying if I said I didn't consider it positively and almost wholly: the money, the security, the empowerment, the money. Their offer would be perfect if all I was looking for was really, really great money. However, I had made my decision, so I said no.
Of course, there is a small part of me that worries and wonders if I did right by saying no, but what I've realized in these past three weeks is that the hokey-pokey isn't what it's all about and neither is money. I started making videos, writing this blog and my book to grow and find happiness where I find I'm most passionate. I did it for me and for no one and nothing else; that's phrased a bit selfishly but it's okay to be when it's about finding happiness for yourself. I just want to believe that I'm okay and actually be okay, and to follow my dreams so that one day, when I find my sunshine I can go on to do bigger and better things that gives the world as much of that sunshine as I can possibly share.
People I am inspired by like Markiplier (Mark Fischbach) and John Green (of the Vlog Brothers), started out following a path towards their happiness that they have managed to find and now they continue down that path to cultivate even more happiness for the rest of the world, all through doing what they love and being good people. That is something to aspire to.
I know I'm venting and that money is important, but unless you're arguing for lack of stability and thus sanity, it isn't the be all end all, shining star of the world. For example, the argument for my parents is in better alignment for this: they are getting quite close to the age of retirement and are no where near ready for it, with bills upon bills to pay and four kids to support; but not only do they need it, they love it too, they are passionate about the work they get to do together and that is their added bonus. Myself, however, am not in the same lane of necessity.
I just turned 21, I don't have kids to support, retirement is still twice my lifetime away, and I'm not drowning in debt, so money is not important to me right now. All I want to do is what makes me happy, and if that includes doing this and working a part-time job then so be it, at least I know my heart is as deeply invested in it as it can be and that makes it worthwhile.
I'm aware that if my plan goes spiraling as violently as a Kansas twister, I'll have to reposition myself so as the house doesn't crush me to death and a war break out over a pair of ruby slippers. I know how hard the path is ahead of me - after finishing the book comes the trials and tribulations of getting it published, and gaining an audience on YouTube is as hard as voicing complaints about Sochi accommodations in a sea of complaints about Sochi accommodations (c'mon with it though, Russia!) - but I've only just begun, I have to give myself the chance to grow and the chance to succeed, and I'd be million times more satisfied if that was through a conscious choice I made for myself and not one that was made for me.
We may not be entirely able to choose our fate but we are able to choose our paths and ourselves. I'm proud of myself and I'm closer to believing it than I've ever been, so this feels as right as it can be.
And I guess that's it, Blog Faces - a little late, a little long, and a little livid, but hey, I had a lot of feels, it's only human; we get them every now and again and sometimes it makes us sweaty, kind of like watching the Olympics (GO CANADA!) but it's healthy to let them out, even if no one else is reading.
I'm going to treat myself to a short round of Pokemon and an episode of My Mad Fat Diary (because Finn, just FINN, am I right? Unf), then it's back to writing.
Tuesday is a... News-day? Lose-day? Shoes-day.
I'll see you Tuesday.
~ Chantille ~
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